Showing posts with label silliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silliness. Show all posts

Monday, December 10, 2007

Fjuckby

Readers have surely been waiting to hear more about the Swedes who have to live in the town of Fjuckby:

The hapless inhabitants of Fjuckby have lost the last chance they had of changing the name of their village to something less suggestive of sexual intercourse.

On Thursday, the National Land Survey of Sweden - the government agency responsible for the handling of place names - announced that it was following the recommendation of the Institute of Language and Folklore to preserve the name Fjuckby.
"Preserve" here meaning, "to saddle the townspeople with." More:
Fjuckby is saddled with the dual misfortune of containing both the rude Swedish word 'juck' and its more internationally recognizable English equivalent.

Speaking to The Local in February, Flensburg said she was surprised by the folklore institute's resistance to a name change since the alternative, Fjukeby, was "pretty and nice".

Fjuckby and Fjukeby both translate roughly as 'Windy Village'.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Radiohead Shocker

LONDON -- As Radiohead celebrated the news that In Rainbows went platinum in just three days, the oft-proclaimed "world's greatest band" was today rocked when its reclusive and little-used sixth member, singer-guitarist Lee Greenwood, announced that he would leave the band.

Holding an impromptu press conference just outside the security barriers at Heathrow, where he was catching a flight back to the “U.S. of A.,” Greenwood read from a prepared statement. "I love my brothers Jonny and Colin, but I was getting sick of their constant promises to put ‘God Bless the U.S.A.’ on the next album, and then never delivering. I even remixed the song with some of the e-lec-tronic stuff that Thom likes so much, but they still refused to put it on the Over the Rainbows [sic]. Something about 10 tracks on 10/10 or something. I wish Thom, Colin, Jonny, Ed, and Phil all the best, but frankly I am happy to finally strike out on my own and look forward to playing for audiences around the world.”

Folding the statement and picking up his guitar case, Greenwood added, “I hope this doesn't surprise too many fans, but it's been a long time comin'. I mean, you have to listen to OK Computer pretty hard to hear my vocals or strummin’. It's there, especially on ‘Lucky,’ but pretty deep in the mix, and I think it’s time for my voice to be up front and center. Plus, I have a line on a good tour of casinos in North Dakota, South Dakota, and Montana. When is Radiohead going to tour?”

The members of Radiohead could not be reached for comment.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Japanese Human Art

Cool playing forwards, even cooler playing backwards.

Double Duty Day

Not only is it Talk like a Pirate Day, but it's the 25th anniversary of the invention of the smiley emoticon:

If you’ve ever ended an e-mail message or an instant message with an emoticon, now might be a good time to pause and reflect on the work of Scott E. Fahlman. After all, it will be 25 years ago tomorrow that Mr. Fahlman, a professor of computer science at Carnegie Mellon University, invented the digital smiley face.

After a colleague joked about a contaminated elevator on an electronic bulletin board, Mr. Fahlman had his eureka moment: He recommended that future quipsters mark their jokes with “:-)” to make sure no one misconstrued their comments.

Since the Net is now overrun with winking emoticons, crying emoticons, and even an Abraham Lincoln emoticon — “==):-)=” — it’s hard to believe that Mr. Falhman felt the need to explain his creation. But he did issue a simple directive to folks confused by the icon: “Read it sideways.” —Brock Read

Arrrrrrrrrrr!

Avast, mateys! 'Tis the 19th of September, which, as ye know, is Talk Like A Pirate Day! Here be links to add to yer booty:

The Official Site

The UK Site

The Australian Site

Some news coverage

An instructional video:



YARRRRR!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Poker? You Brought 'Er!

I can't figure out an artful way to blog this, so I'll do it artlessly:

James Fallows of the Atlantic took a trip to the remote western provinces of China.

After trekking for hours across a stark, lunar desert landscape awesome in its harsh beauty, our bus rolled into a former Silk Road waypoint where today's craftsmen still specialize in hand-knotted rugs. We passed through a beaded curtain to see, on the place of honor on the main wall, this:

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Snopes, I Don't Believe It

I love Snopes.com, the big urban myth-debunking website. It's the place to go, for instance, with the latest crazy email forward: they almost always have the facts to deflate silly story. But as Defective Yeti points out, they're just not trying anymore:

Alas, it appears that this is either a photoshopped image, or the folks at Snopes have already updated their analysis. (The latest update was just today.)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Punchlines

The dude behind Defective Yeti is funny, but his readers are funnier. After a get together, his host offered to warm up some leftover pizza for him.

"No, thanks," I said, and then--because it's my standard line in situations like that--added, "I like my pizza the way I like my women."

I didn't have a punchline in mind when I said it. But, having set the joke up, I had no choice but to follow through. "Cold ... and a few hours old."
That's good, but his readers' alternate punchlines are ever better. Click through to read (slightly naughty) ones as good as these three:
  • "Patted down with a napkin and folded in half"
  • "Hand tossed."
  • "Liberally endowed with Italian Sausage."

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Roll Me Another Tea

Watch a pilot pour iced tea while barrel-rolling his airplane!


(Clip seen on James Fallows' blog, where he talks mostly about China but has recently talked a bit about flying and aeronautics - specifically, how and why JFK Jr. lost his bearings and crashed)

Monday, August 20, 2007

This Just In: Some Republicans Are Hypocrites

I can't find anything to cut out of this post on the City Pages' "Blotter" blog, so I'll just quote it all:

Back in June, Vita.mn ran a story about where people have sex outdoors in Minnesota. The article made it on the Strib's main web page, prompting reader complaints. Kate Parry, the paper's ombudsman, wrote an article about the brouhaha, quoting Tim Droogsma, former press secretary for both then-senator Rudy Boschwitz and then-governor Arne Carlson.

Droogsma's reaction to the article: "I don't think I'm too prudish (which, I realize, is what prudes always say), but do we really want this sentence: 'She hopped on my lap, facing forward. I pulled up her skirt in the back, slid her panties out of the way, and unzipped'?"

Fast forward a couple months:

On Tuesday, Droogsma was arrested by St. Paul cops for allegedly trying to pay for sex. The deal was brokered on Craiglist, the St. Paul PD says, and the would-be prostitute was an undercover cop.

In an email to the Strib, Droogsma, 50, denies being a dirty late-middle-aged man, calling the whole escapade "a severe misunderstanding."
I love hypocrisy!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

How Do You Say "Sorry" in Gaelic?

I'm sorry, but all the I'm-sorrying around the planet is making me retch.

First, Japan issues a mealy-mouthed mea culpa for invading everybody else in Asia (and nobody else accepts the apology), then a bunch of Confederate states start lining up to apologize for slavery, and now we have freaking Denmark - land of Hans Christian Andersen, delectable pastries, bike commuting, and doped-up cyclists - apologizing to Ireland for the Viking invasions a thousand years ago. Gimme a break. Has anyone had it easier since 1000 A.D. than the Irish? They have a beautiful country, the English have been happy to help out with religion and language, the whole potato angle worked out great, their IT-based economy is booming, traditional Irish music like U2 is huge, and don't forget Guinness.

But still, they now get a flat, waterlogged Nordic country to apologize for trying to jump-start the Irish import/export business a few centuries ago? Shameless. It's Ireland that oughta be apologizing to the rest of us for this nonsense.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Meta Tragedy

From the Local in Sweden:

A gravedigger died in southern Sweden on Wednesday after becoming trapped in a grave he was digging.

The accident happened in a cemetery in Gudmuntorp, near Höör in Skåne, at 12pm. The man and a colleague had been preparing the grave, and had deposited earth dug from the ground in a large, open container.

The container, estimated to weigh three tonnes, started sliding into the grave while the men were still standing in it. One of the men managed to get out of the grave in time, while the other became trapped under the container, according to Stefan Färdig of the emergency services. The incident is being treated as a workplace accident, Färdig said.
Okay, this is bad and silly enough to begin with, but then the guy they're quoting? His name includes the word "dig"?

Monday, July 23, 2007

Late '80s Zeitgeist & Narcissism, High School Style

My parents were in town recently to hangout with their granddaughter. As they have moved into a new house, they continue to give me things from my past that I thought were long gone (and probably should remain so). A recent item is one of my campaign shirts from my senior class presidential election. My campaign team and I made a number of one of a kind t-shirts. My mother thought I should go into politics because as a true scoundrel, as I made money on my election, instead I lead a sexy life as a project manager and consultant. Anyway, this particular shirt has a top ten list on it – I was a huge Letterman fan and a political junkie in high school. Please enjoy the totally ‘80s vibe from the top ten reasons to vote for yours truly:

10. You want to have fun.
9. He has a dog.
8. Does not enjoy algebra.
7. Finished his term paper.
6. The stupid t-shirts.
5. To prove iron lungs work.
4. He’s running.
3. Goes to East (that’s the high school)
2. Has not met Donna Rice
1. Voted down Contra spending.

Just wait until I get my scanner working again. My folks brought up a copy of the local paper that had an article about prom styles for 1989. I’m the male “model” showing off the latest in rental formalwear.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

If Only the War Were Imaginary, Too

From today's American Progress Report:

Brig. Gen. Kevin Bergner said yesterday that a feared Iraqi insurgent Omar al-Baghdadi "never existed." "General Bergner told reporters that a senior Iraqi insurgent captured this month said that the elusive Mr. Baghdadi was actually a fictional character whose declarations on audiotape were read by a man named Abu Abdullah al-Naima.
Why do they call it "intelligence" again? Read the full article in the Times to get the full flavor of this wacky situation: the guy might have been faked by al-Qaeda of Mesopotamia so that they could get more Iraqis to believe in that organization's aims, or the guy might really exist and the captured Qaeda operative who claims he didn't exist is lying, or or or.

Monday, June 25, 2007

I’m addicted to grass


…bluegrass that is. C’mon, I work for a living. With my E-Music subscription, I’ve gone nuts on instrumentals. I'm addicted to the junk. Lot’s of Bluegrass tributes to bands like Wilco, Pink Floyd, REM, AC/DC, the Offspring, even Tenacious D (with a meta tribute, a bluegrass tribute to “Tribute”). The Wilco stuff is nice, sounds like it could have been on “Being There.” I’ve also stocked up on more of the Rockabye Baby series, adding Green Day, The Beatles, The Eagles, Coldplay, and No Doubt to Fiona’s collection. Why am I buying so much music without words? I think nearly 13 months of sleep deprivation is taking its toll and I’ve ridin' in the express lane with my I-Pass all the way to Crazyville.

The good news is I still have my feet.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Listiness

One of the great things about the Internet is finding great sites that you've never seen before, and then having the pleasure of reading all the previous posts. Case in point, the blog "A Play A Day," written by Brendon Etter, a member of the staff down here at Carleton. He's done writing a play a day, and on to great lists like this one:

Important Reasons Why You Must Stop Having Sex Right Now1. Scientists have linked sex with children. You must stop linking sex with children, pervert.
2. A customer just walked in the front door of the bakery.
3. You can only remain underwater for a few seconds at a time.
4. The director said "cut."
5. Just like epilepsy and paranoid schizophrenia, it may lead to frighteningly uncontrolled muscle spasms and vocalizations.
6. Because chances are good your cellmate is not truly your soulmate.
7. He only paid for a twenty-minute session.
8. Need to reframe the shot and make sure the flash is on.
9. Ran out of batteries.
10. Must get in line for holy communion.
11. Your "girlfriend" popped.
12. May cause an outbreak of painful childbirth in men and women everywhere.
13. Excessive blistering.
14. While the third time's the charm, the three hundred and thirty-third is somewhat less so.
15. If you stop now, you may still be a semi-virgin.
16. Because that's not what the zoo needs volunteers for.
Or this one:
Evidence That My Computer Is Having An Affair
1. Sometimes it carries out millions of my calculations every second like it would really rather be somewhere else carrying out millions of more exciting calculations every second.
2. It remembered my birthday, but only after I put the date into its calendar application like fifty times.
3. Frequently complains to me that it wants to abort functions... our living, breathing, unexecuted functions!
4. Mysterious processor log entries documenting data uploads and downloads that I know aren't mine.
5. Newly apathetic performance on programs that we used to love to operate together.
6. It swears it's just the cooling fan kicking in, but I can tell that it's sighing.
7. My hard drive feels like it's being read in a cold, perfunctory, almost-automated fashion.
8. After returning home unexpectedly early from a business trip, I found it, somehow, had already been turned on.
9. Screen saver seems like it's over-compensating.
10. I'm finding new bookmarks in my browser linking to articles about the benefits of being in an "open source" programming relationship.
11. When I select "shut down", it happens immediately, but, sometimes, when I select "restart", it pauses as if weighing its options.
12. Seems like it wants nothing to do with my flash drive any more.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

New Blog

Howdy Snackers. A quick note to let you know that I have started a new blog called Tri-Curious. The focus of the blog is training for the 2008 Triathlon series. Public statements and/or humiliation can be a great motivator. If there are any triathletes out there, please stop by and leave some sage comments.

Later.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Fake Fish

Apparently the only thing the Chinese won't pirate is pirates, and maybe that's not even true:

Norwegian fish is highly prized in China, where they are taught in school that Norway is a country of unspoiled natural beauty, with fish free from worries of pollution.

But false Norwegian fish on the Chinese market is worrying import companies interested in dealing with the real thing, financial daily Dagens Næringsliv reports.

The listed company Shanghai Dazhong Public Utilities is hesitant about importing expensive Norwegian fish.

"Consumers unfortunately do not manage to taste the difference between real and counterfeit Norwegian fish," company vice president Kong Wei told industry magazine Intrafish.

Kong Wei claims that fish imported from all corners of the world is labeled as Norwegian, and this allows the importer to charge a premium. This in turn means that there is little profit in importing genuine, expensive Norwegian fish.

Kong Wei said the company is considering importing Norwegian seafood to sell to the top tier of Chinese consumers, but is now doubtful after examining the results of a market survey.

"Too much counterfeit fish is being sold as Norwegian in the Chinese market," Kong Wei said.

From Aftenposten.